Chapter 3 . . .

Wow! I can't even begin to say how much chapter 3 reverberated my own life and my own struggles. My life changed a year and a half ago when our obedient pastor hired Mark and I to lead worship at Living Word Church of the Bay Area. LWCBA has been a source of healing for Mark and I in our ministry. I love to volunteer and serve our precious Lord and Savior, but I felt as though we were constantly taking shots for all kinds of ridiculous things, and yes, I know that my perception was probably a bit off. Mark and I were both wounded due to our pasts and we needed to be loved and accepted as the imperfect servants we were. Anyway, our pastor, in his wisdom, has all of his leaders take a much longer version of this Gary Smalley personality test. Can I just say that every single word in my 28! page profile described me to a tee! It was a little creepy. I scored 100% otter . . . here is the description of the otter:

People who primarily reflect the "O" or "Otter" scale tend to be…
• Fun-loving and very verbal, they love groups, parties, and activity - and especially getting
to "Yak, Yak, Yak!"
• Otters like change and are fast-paced and spontaneous.
• They are usually creative and often "non-detail" oriented, which is why they start projects
at the latest possible time. When it comes to balancing the checkbook, they would prefer
to just switch banks!

I tell you this about myself because I want to explain the pain that being an otter has caused in many pivotal relationships in my past, especially with other women.

This is the phrase that set me free:

Crystal has a tendency to: • Be so enthusiastic that she can be seen as superficial.

That was the first sentence under my areas for improvement. So many friends have treated me exactly like that girl Beth talks about in chapter 3, the funny thing is that I have no idea how they could see me as someone who "has it all," especially when I used to feel like I was so very far from having it all. I'm pretty sure that I teared up when I read this part of my personality assessment. I cannot even begin to tell you how many people have accused me of being superficial. I remember telling someone once that I would apologize for who I was, but that I could never apologize for who I wasn't. The thing that scared me the most was that there were so many people who said this that I was clearly the common denominator. I prayed so hard that God would change me and that others would see my heart . . . until I read that sentence. I'm not exactly sure why it brought me so much freedom, but it did and I'm so thankful to Gary Smalley for coming up with such an amazing assessment.

I am now able to recognize this as part of my personality, part of the way God made me for the good things He intended me to do. There were a lot of positive things in that personality test, and it felt so good to recognize those attributes in myself. I was focused on the negative, and I ignored the positive. My prayer as we go through this journey is that we will recognize the positive attributes in ourselves, and maybe even begin to notice the negative attributes in those around us so that we can apply grace, love and forgiveness. i love you ladies and I very much look forward to next week!

in His love,
crystal